Its A Bike Life
by love2bdifferent
Summary: *Tara Knowles, daughter of the Tarmac Runners MC president leaves her home of New Jersey to seek out the Sons to help her avenge the death of not only her father but the club, on her way to Charming she finds Jax in a ditch with two bullet wounds in his side ... how will it work out? Will The Runners get avenged? Will Jax survive and will Tara find herself a new family?
1. Charming

**A/N I recently pulled out my season 1 &amp; 2 box set of the sons and started watching them again, and I near died when I realised that I've never actually uploaded any of the fic's I had started, so righting this terrible wrong here I go … although in advanced warning the updates may be pretty slow … like every two weeks slow … but if you bear with me we will get there!**

_**Disclaimer- I have nothing to do with The Sons of Anarchy except what my imagination stirs up!**_

**Tara POV**

"I'm on the highway to hell …"

I smiled as I looked out the rear view mirror seeing nothing but darkness and road behind me.

"No my friend, I'm on the highway away from hell"

That shit was behind me now, its forever in my heart but it's over. My family is gone and they aren't coming back, revenge will be taken but not on my own I need to reach out and get help, help that I know I will get I just need to tread carefully for a while. Let's see how charming, charming really is.

It wasn't New Jersey and it never will be but this is where I will find my justice, with these people my father told me would help me if in need and he wasn't about, his last words, find the sons, find Clay.

I could feel my eyes tear up and my heart break a little more thinking back to that night, the night my family was stolen from me,

"Hold your shit together Tara!"

I scolded myself; I will not fall apart, not now, not yet. I came across the sign telling me I was one mile away from Charming, I slowed the engine and turned off the radio letting my thoughts take centre mind. My father told me to come here if I needed the Sons, but I am here because I want to be not because I need them.

I was that lost in my thoughts that I almost didn't see the single headlight peeping out from a hedge, slamming on the breaks I took a closer look, a motorbike headlight. Instincts kicking in I got out of my car and ran to the beautiful Harley sending a prayer above that the rider was still alive.

"Hello...can you hear me? Are you okay?"

There was no answer, I mumbled as I searched through my pockets looking for my phone to use the flashlight

"Shit … shit shit!"

Finally locating it I flipped it on and continued my search, and there not 10 yards from me was a body lying with its back to me, wearing black leathers, leathers that belonged to the sons. He wasn't moving or making any sound so I dropped to my knees and rolled him towards me, my fingers automatically reaching to find a pulse, it was weak but it was there.

Refusing to let that sexy face covered in stubble distract me I gave him the once over and discovered the reason for his current state, two fresh bullet holes in his right side, how long had he been here?

Checking his pulse again I swore when it was weaker and getting weaker by the second

"Not on my watch buddy"

Ripping a strip of his t-shirt and using it as a temporary bandage, I wrapped it tightly around his torso hoping it would staunch the blood flow until I got at it properly. I've been here before I know what needs to be done, No cops, No hospital and definitely no unwanted attention until I know the full story behind this. God knows what shit is going down in this town right now.

I braced myself for the extra weight I would have to carry, I pulled him up to a sitting position and got us both to our feet, I slung his arm over my shoulder and started the short but hard trek back to my car, not having the time to be gentle I threw him on the back seat and returned to hide the bike from view until I got him woke up and got some of his guys to retrieve it. Taking the keys and the plates I got back to the car and hightailed it into town hoping to find a half decent motel.

Getting a room that was well hidden I dragged his ass into the room returning to the car for the bags with the stuff I needed. I took time taking of his leathers I showed it the respect it was worn with and sat in at the bottom of the bed, his shirt didn't receive the same treatment as it was shredded by my scissors, with a sigh of relief I noticed that both wounds were through and throughs.

"Well that makes it easier"

I muttered as I got my stuff ready, I managed to find a candle lying at the back of a drawer and lit it up, reaching into my boot and taking out my knife. The knife my father gave me when I turned 16, he told me to always carry it, I was his daughter therefore I was always a target.

I got the whiskey from my bag and took a mouthful needing the Dutch courage, and then I doused the wounds ensuring minimal infection. Holding the blade over the candle flame till it turned the right hot red colour I took a deep breath. This wound need to be closed it and it to be done in a way that would make sure of no infection or further injury, stitching was too risky so the only other option left was to seal it.

"I'm sorry man, I'm just glad you're out cold"

I took the blade and held it over the bullet holes, smelling his flesh burn and the smell making me gag, the pain woke him up and his anguish screams filled the room but I needed to finish, so with the hilt of the knife I cracked it over his head knocking him out for a few second till I got the job done.

Glad that they seemed to be closed I doused them with the whiskey again and covered them with gauze before somewhat awkwardly wrapping his torso with a bandage to keep them safe from infection. It took him longer than I expected to come around, must have been due to the blood loss but when he did he managed to roll off the bed and get to his feet,

"Who the fuck are you?"

Trying to clear his vision he looked around the dingy motel room trying to find his bearings, his hand went for his handgun that was no longer tucked into the back of his jeans, finally his eyes rested on me.

"I found you on the road; well no actually I found you in the ditch, knew by your leather that you were a son and that the last place you needed to be was in a hospital if it could be avoided which, luckily for you worked out. I've done this before, so sit your ass down before you fall down"

His eyes automatically when to the bandage around his torso and he lost his balance, he stared to fall but I made it in time to catch him and help to sit on the bed.

"So what is the name of my hero?"

He asked as he made himself comfortable on the bed, using the pillows to prop him up and reaching out for the bottle of whiskey.

"Tara Knowles"

I dumped the blood soaked clothes and took the chair beside the bed and sat back. He reached towards me and held out his hand

"Jackson Teller, but call me Jax"

I shook his hand and smiled. I had heard the name Teller from my father, only it wasn't Jackson but John he spoke of.

"I appreciate the rescue Tara"

I smiled

"Happy to help"

His face turned serious as he asked about his bike, I knew the feeling and was quick to reassure him

"Don't worry your bike is fine, I hid her out of sight. Took the keys and plates too just to be safe"

He remained silent as I waited for his reaction; his expression was amused and small smile played on his lips.

"What?"

I questioned but he shook his head and said nothing, instead he changed the subject

"So what brings you to charming?"

I stuck close to the truth

"My father spoke about it a lot, so I decided to check it out"

He could hear the emotion in my voice and didn't push further

"So Miss Knowles you saved my life, it seems that I owe you one"

I put out my hand for the whiskey which he gladly handed me

"Right now all I want is a decent not soaked in someone else's blood, bed to sleep in and the back seat of my car cleaned"

He chuckled and nodded

"Fair enough, I have a spare room back at mine and I'll get the car dealt with tomorrow, that is if you don't have a problem spending the night in a total stranger's house?"

I smiled, I can take care of myself I'm a lot tougher than I look.

"But are we really strangers? I've already saved your life and gave you my bed!"

He chuckled and slowly sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, leaning towards me in the chair, mere inches from my face

"Maybe there is another way I can thank you?"

Looking into those eyes that screamed sex and hearing the huskiness in his voice I had to draw on some hidden self-restraint to control myself from just throwing my legs open and accepting the offer. Knowing that getting laid is not my reason for being here no matter how attractive the ass is I declined

"Thanks for that desired offer, but I don't sleep with a guy on the first date"

He shrugged

"Okay then, which date does it go down?"

I played along

"Oh at least the third if not the fourth"

He held his hands up and smiled

"So back to mine?"

I nodded

"Back to yours"

**A/N Feedback is most welcome, likes, dislikes, hate, love … I want to hear it all!**

**For any riders I leave you with this … Ride safe guys!**

**Thanks **

**Love2bdifferent x**


	2. Man pride, truth and tears

**A/N Okay even thought I said that updates could be two weeks apart I couldn't help but upload, I couldn't hold it back. This is where I stopped years ago I wrote the first two chapters in season two, so from now on it will be longer between updates, I need to get back into this story and pick up where I left off.**

_**Disclaimer- I have nothing to do with The Sons of Anarchy except what my imagination stirs up!**_

**Tara POV**

After near falling out with Jax over who would carry the bags back to the car we were finally on the road to his house, there was a slight awkwardness in the air, the not knowing who the other really is, if they are friend or foe, I was hoping that by saving his ass it would come across as a show of faith. I didn't want to reveal my reasons for being here so soon but maybe sooner rather than later would be better?

It had been years seen I saw Clay; I was at least ten or eleven. So I knew he wouldn't recognise me straight away and that's what I wanted, I wanted to make sure he was still trust worthy and that the years of gun running hadn't made the power go to his head.

I looked over at Jax to see he was looking at me, unasked questions in his eyes. I smiled, he smiled and we both turned back to face the road pretending that we weren't as curious as fuck.

We pulled up outside a lovely small house just a mile or so away from the garage, it looked to be a family home, well-kept and looked after not the home of the flirtatious dangerous biker I assumed him to be. The surprise must have been clear on my face as it had him asking

"What were you expecting? Some dingy one bedroom apartment?"

I smiled at the pride in his voice

"Honestly? Not so much a dingy apartment more a rough and ready kind place, not this …"

I used my hand to indicate towards the house

"…not a home"

The pride came out full force as he smiled, I brought a little humour back to the now slightly more serious conversation

"Look at you breaking all the stereotypes!"

He laughed and then instantly grimaced in pain as his injury made itself known, once the pain died down he began to talk. His voice full of love and emotion without any hint of the flirty undercurrent I've heard since I met him

"Well it is home, for me and my boy"

He looked at me waiting for my reaction, one which I did not fail to provide. It was surprising but not shocking there is a few years age difference between us I can tell, so it's perfectly acceptable that he would have a kid.

"What age is he?"

I looked around the front yard not seeing any evidence of a child, no toys in the garden or a bicycle propped against the side of the house.

"Just a few months old, still a little baby"

And there was the mouth dropping shock, he was only a new dad.

"You got an old lady?"

The amused expression from before was back on his face, I didn't bother asking what it was about already knowing he wouldn't answer plus I was too focused on the fact that this fine specimen of a man might belong to someone else, I am many things but I am not a home-wrecker, I will not take this man away from his woman and their kid.

He dropped his head and then looked out the window at the house

"It's complicated, the kids' mother has some problems she's not around, all I need is that little guy and I am happy"

I sat here completely flustered, my ovaries crying at the joy of being so close to a man that is full of surprises, being with the sons and bringing up a baby? This guy is something else completely.

"His name?"

"Abel"

I smiled, it was unusual but I was beginning to realise that Jax is not your regular guy, so it's not surprising that his son is not your usual baby.

"Look we can sit out here and chat all night … or we could go inside and chat over a beer"

I nodded; it was starting to get cold out and beer sounded good.

I got out and waited at the bonnet for him to join me, but looking back I could see that he was having difficulty getting out, the pain has to be excruciating he hasn't taken anything for the pain yet so I made my way towards him, inwardly smiling knowing the reception I would get

"I'm good, I got this!"

He grunted as I reached my arm out towards him, I took my arm back and folded it across my chest with the other; I raised my eyebrow as I spoke,

"Huh please, your weaker than an 80 year olds dick right now, shut-up swallow your man pride and let me help you"

He looked up at me and rolled his eyes, knowing it would be a lot easier to just accept my god damn help

"You know you got some serious filth coming out of that mouth"

I chuckled, that's what you get when you're a lonely child, and your mother abandons you when your two and you grow up with a load of bikers.

"You have no idea man"

He was out of the car and standing in front of me now as he spoke

"…but I will"

He tacked on a small wink before he walked towards the house; smiling at his cockiness I followed him. He opened the door and stood back letting me through first

"If I were any other girl I'd think you being a gentleman but I'm not, I know your checking out my ass…at least have the good grace to not make it that obvious"

He laughed, not one bit ashamed that he had been caught out. I don't know what I was expecting to see when I walked in but it certainly wasn't two half naked teenagers going at it on the sofa

"Ooooohhhh …."

I looked back at Jax and stood back for him to see the party we were crashing, taking the step in he asked

"What? What is it?"

I smirked

"Looks like the babysitter is getting her fill … literally"

His eyes widened then closed,

"Jesus Barb…"

The blonde girls head shot towards the door surprise and fear clear on her face

"Shit Jax, I'm sorry"

I looked at Jax trying to hide my laughter and seen that he too was struggling to hold it back, he looked anywhere but the half-naked teen.

"Get your shit on and go home, your cousin is going to kill you!"

She threw her top on quickly and pulled her skirt down to cover her ass, as the guy ran out the back door with his clothes in his arms

"Seriously Jax, you gonna go running to Juice like a whiny bitch?"

He hobbled towards the small kitchen and leaned back against the counter with a small grimace as he done it

"No Barb, I'm saying nothing to Juice he'll kill me for leaving you for so long, but that guy?..."

He asked as he pointed to the back door

"…just nailed Juice' only little cousin, said cousin who he is extremely over protective of and makes sure that every dick in a three mile radius knows it, how long do you think that this will stay quiet?

She grabbed her bag and went towards the door

"Fucking MC and rules, can't a bitch get laid without a fight?"

She went to slam the door

"Night Barb…"

"Yeah fuck you"

Bang, the door closed and both of us burst out in laughter. Seconds later the door opened again

"The kid is fine, gave him a feed at nine, there is a bottle ready in the fridge just needs to be heated up. Diapers are nearly out so put that on the shopping list … see you tomorrow"

Then she was gone again, this time closing the door gently, I slowly turned back to Jax who was reaching into the fridge and coming out with two beers handing me one,

"Good kid, good babysitter"

I nodded and smiled, I looked around the living room and could tell that there was definitely a female presence here, was it the kid's mother? Is this were they lived together before she got her problems? Knowing it was a complicated matter I let it go, after all I wasn't too forthcoming with my own problems.

We went and sat on the sofa, bringing my clothes bag with me. I unzipped it and gently took out his leather handing it too him. He took it gladly and lay in on the back of the sofa. Not knowing what else to talk about I decided to ask about the accident

"So who did you piss off enough to be left in a ditch bleeding to death?"

He laughed

"I could tell you quicker who I haven't pissed off. I'm not sure who did it but I'll find out, and when I do they'll wish they were in a ditch bleeding to death"

There it was the tone I knew so well, the tone I heard in the voices of my family, the sound of revenge.

"So any particular groups in town I should stay away from?"

He nodded

"Just about everyone, small town lots of hate"

I knew it, this town was in the middle of a war and I've just walked into it bringing more trouble to the table. Should I tell him why I'm here? Clay will know me as soon as he hears my name and I feel slightly obliged to at least make Jax privy to this information, after all he is the only one I have on my side at the moment. I looked over at him, I knew so little about him but I can tell he can be trusted, taking a deep breath I turned to him

"Look I haven't been completely honest with you, there is some things I need to tell you but before I do, I need you to guarantee that I can trust you to keep it between us for now"

His entire demeanour changed, he looked at me suspiciously before answering

"Who are you?"

I knew I would not get anywhere if he was doubting me

"I'm a friend, but I need your promise"

He looked at me and had some inner debate before he answered

"Okay fine, it stays between us."

"I'm here for Clay and the sons but mainly Clay, he and my dad go way back, as well as your father. The three of them were like brothers."

His eyes widened at the mention of his father

"You knew my dad?"

I shook my head

"Never met him, I don't think, but my father spoke of him fondly, said there was very few men apart from his guys that he could trust, that John and Clay were two of them"

"Club?"

I nodded

"Tarmac Runners, he was president"

He nodded

"I thought as much, I knew you were involved somehow"

Now it was my turn to be curious

"How?"

He chuckled and turned sideways on the sofa to face me,

"For one you stopped and helped me, most people around here see a bike on the road with a body beside it and drive off not wanting to get involved, you knew not to call the cops or bring me to a hospital. You hid my bike and took the plates in case it was identified and came back to bite us in the ass and you referred to it as 'her'. Only someone with a love for bikes would call it a 'her'.

You knew how to patch me up and that the wound should be sealed and not stitched, and when we arrived to the house you asked if I had an old lady. I knew, I just didn't know for sure, you could be an ex old lady yourself or you're in a club of your own"

"Observant are we?"

I smiled

"I have to be, it's too easy to get killed in this town, being observant pays off"

I nodded, but he got one thing wrong I wasn't in a club of my own, not any more.

"I don't have a club any more"

I watched as he reacted, confusion on his face.

"You get kicked out?"

"No, I didn't I would never rat on my family. It …. I …."

I couldn't say it, I felt the tears come to my eyes and tried my god damned hardest to hold them back, but it was impossible. I've held them back since it happened refusing to show weakness but now? It's like the flood gates have opened.

Jax crossed the sofa and put his arm around me pulling me into his chest as I cried for my family.

"It's okay let it out"

That's all he said, trusted me enough to not hear the rest until I was ready. I let some of it out, cried out my pain but then came the anger, giving me the strength to stop and tell him the rest. I sat back and put some distance between us, not letting him see my vulnerability.

"You okay?"

He asked taking out a smoke and offering me one, I gladly took the cigarette and lit up.

"I'm the only one left, and it takes more than one for a club. Sunday morning I walked into the chapel and found their bodies, all of them even the prospects. Shot through the head, execution style. There was no calling card left, no evidence to prove who done it."

I looked over at him, and I saw his sympathetic expression. I don't want his sympathy I want his alliance.

"Knowing that there would be a shit load of feds in town I burnt down the club and everything inside, I put their bikes in an off grid storage unit packed a bag and left. I'm here for Clay and the alliance of the club, I want revenge and I want justice!"

"Jesus Tara, you went through all that on your own?"

"I have no-one else, that club, the guys, they were everything I had. All that I had"

He stubbed out his smoke and took my hand, looking me straight in the eye.

"You're not alone, you have us. The sons of anarchy won't stand for their own being murdered like that, no matter the patch we all live for the one thing, brotherhood and the road"

I nodded relieved that he understood the bigger picture.

"We get some rest and they we go see Clay in the morning."

I looked over at him and smiled

"Thank you Jackson, this means a lot. Anything that I can do for you and your club I will."

He nodded accepting my offer and I knew that someday he'd be calling on this favour. I went to get up but he grabbed my wrist,

"Wait …"

I looked down at him confused

"You still have it? The ink?"

I nodded

"Haven't had time to remove it, don't know if I can removed it, because when I do? It's gone, all of it."

I opened the button of my jeans and started to pull them down, smugly looking at Jax' startled expression

"Calm down boy, it's on my thigh"

He gave a nervous laugh and sat back on the sofa.

I dropped my jeans enough for him to see the black tattoo in my inner right thigh. The tattoo that my father had designed and was the first one to have it on his skin, it was a small stretch of road, with two flags crossing each other, the American flag and the Irish, his home land and his new, at the top there was a dove that looked to be escaping from barbed wire the words Saoirse under it in a Celtic design, Irish from Freedom.

"It's beautiful"

I pulled my jeans back up, and looked at him sadly.

"It's a painful reminder of what I have lost, but at the same time it reminds me of all that I had"

"There is no rule to say you have to get rid of it, it's only when threw out of a club it has to go, but being the only surviving member? It's okay to keep it."

I nodded, I knew that and I wanted to keep it, but until I get justice and find out who did it, its not safe to have it.

"I know, but as long as their killers are out there and unidentified it's dangerous"

He nodded, seeing my predicament.

"I'll show you the spare room, it's next door to mine."

I nodded, I went to reach for my bag but he got there before me, gasping in pain as he bent to pick it up, I just shook my head and smiled

Man pride.

**A/N Love? Hate? Like? Dislike? … Review!**

**Tell me all whether good or bad any feedback is welcomed!**

**There are a few grammar mistakes and I promise I will get them fixed up as soon as possible!**

**Thanks**

_**Love2bdifferent x**_


	3. Baby bump

**A/N I am not going to lie, getting back into the mojo for writing this story was tricky especially as so much has happened on the show since this was started. I am trying as hard as I can to go back to that place in my mind, to forget everything that has happened in the later seasons so forgive me if it's a little off**_**. **_

_**Disclaimer- I have nothing to do with Sons of Anarchy except what my imagination stirs up!**_

**Tara POV**

It was the loud crying that woke me up, I was startled at first not used to hearing the cry of a baby in the middle of the night, it took me a few seconds to remember where I was and why I was here, the feeling of loss settled in me again. The crying continued and I got up to make sure everything was ok, hoping Jax was up I made my way towards the crying infant, there was a brief few seconds of panic when I found Jax wasn't already in the room, how do I make him stop?

I could see the wee man's hands flailing through the air; I looked around the room hoping to find Jax hiding this was not good I can't do this, is there a magic word you say to get him to stop? I could hear movement in the kitchen and guessed it must be feeding time; I let out a relieved sigh and looked back at Abel.

The sound of his little cries broke my heart so I went over to try and soothe him. Once close enough to see the kid I could feel my eyes widen, he was the double of his father only less hairy and no constant flirtatious look on his face. Unsure of what to do I started to speak, maybe hearing a voice might make him feel safer.

"Hey there little man, you hungry?"

His cries quieted a little bit, so I kept going

"Your daddy will be back any minute with a nice bottle of milk"

His little blues eye opened, still wet from the tears. I smiled, he really was adorable. I looked at him and felt a pang of fear strike my heart, a child as beautiful as this should never have to see what it is that goes on in this world he was born into, should never have to witness what his father does in order to protect him and those he loves. Gently resting my hand on his chest and feeling his little heart beat I whispered,

"Bealtaine dia duit fear beag, mar gheall ar I dteaghlach mar seo is gá duit é"

His eyes so bright looked straight back at me and I got lost there, imagining what it would be like to be able to see the world for the first time all over again, to have that innocence that you feel safe and protected no matter what, to be able to solely depend on someone else to take care of you.

I heard movement behind me, and jumped around ready to defend myself if necessary, my hands in fists I let out a sigh of relief when I saw Jax leaning against the door frame,

"Fuck you scared the shit outta me"

As soon as I had spoken I put my hand to my mouth and looked at the baby, Jax laughing at my reaction

"I don't think he understands those words just yet"

I faced him again and smiled, he made his way over and I stood back out of the way, I saw how carefully he lift the kid out of the cot, he turned and sat in the rocking chair and started to feed him his bottle, never taking his eyes of him. Those eyes full of love and wonder, the newness of this all still fresh as if he couldn't quite believe that he had his son here safely in his arms, there was no attempt at hiding this emotion he didn't care who saw him, he loved this little guy and wasn't afraid to show it, who would have thought? The big dangerous biker sitting here like a big girl's blouse. I felt as if I was intruding and went to leave.

"Tara … what did you say? It was Irish right?"

I turned back around and smiled, going over and taking a seat on the small sofa beside the chair I nodded

"Yeah it was, it's my mother tongue. The exact translation is "May God bless you little man because in a family like this you need it" … that kid needs all the blessing he can get, trust me I know it's not easy growing up with a club"

Jax eyes travelled from the face of his son to mine, gaze full of questions but he decided not to ask them instead he asked;

"So you're from Ireland?"

I shook my head and smiled

"No, I'm a born and bred American. Both my parent were Irish my father spoke the lingo fluently so therefore I was taught as well."

"What about your mother? Where is she?"

"I don't know, she split when I was two. I know her she's called Maeve and that she's Irish but that's it."

He looked back at the kid, no doubt wondering if he will have his mother in his life, if she'll sort through her problems and come back to them. For some reason I felt the need to reassure him, I wouldn't change a single thing about my upbringing my father was the best I could have asked for.

"I wouldn't change it for the world, my dad was amazing, and he loved me enough for them both. He made me into who I am, made me wise about the world, made me see things in a different light. He taught me how to be brave and stand up for myself, he taught me loyalty but most of all he taught me that no matter what happens in this world, family is power, family is above all else. "

He smiled at me

"Sounds like a wise man"

I agreed

"He was"

The mood was sad and now is not the time for sadness, now is the time for clear heads and smart thinking.

"You speak a lot of Irish?"

I nodded,

"Normally with my father we spoke it all the time, sometimes without knowing we did it. It used to drive the guys crazy they never picked it up only a few words here and there."

Looking at me with a raised eye brow and a twinkle in his eye he said

"You know there is something incredibly sexy about a girl speaking in a different language"

I chuckled and stood up walking towards the door with a smile on my face trying not to fall on my knees in a drooling mess at the sight of him being all sensitive with his son.

"Well this sexy, different language, speaking girl is going to bed, Oíche mhaith"

He laughed at my small humble tease.

I left father and son alone, letting them have their time together.

I woke up before the alarm I had set; I lay there looking up at the celling, thoughts of how life has changed flowing through my mind. I small worries about meeting Clay after so long and how everything was going to go down. I made my way to the kitchen for some water but as soon as I walked out of the bedroom I walked straight into Jax, with a pained gasp and a few swear words later I finally got my apology in

"Shit, sorry … too early for this whole seeing where you're going shit"

With his hand on his side he said

"Its fine, Coffee?"

He asked and I nodded, both of us walking towards the kitchen, he stopped going past Abel's room to check in on him, I couldn't help but peep too after all he was just the cutest baby I have ever seen, which isn't hard as I've only seen a few and they all look the same.

He poured us both a coffee, and when he handed me mine

"So, we going to see Clay?"

I asked. Jax nodded

"Yeah the nanny gets here round 8 we'll go then"

I looked at my watch and noticed it was only half 7.

"So I've time for a shower?"

I asked putting on a smile, I felt grungy plus I'm pretty convinced that Jax' blood is still matted in my hair from last night.

"Well I need one too and we are pretty pushed for time so I'm thinking we can share, you know just to be time efficient!"

I just looked at him and raised my eyebrow, not much in the mood to flirt when you're wearing someone else's blood. He held his hands up

"Okay okay, no sharing I get it. Fourth date, I remember"

I smiled

"You got it."

He told me where the towels were and showed me the bathroom, leaving me to it. I quickly stripped off the grimy clothes and eagerly hopped into the shower, the hot water felt amazing against my skin, relaxing tense muscles that were borderline painful, washing off all the drama of yesterday.

After giving my body a good clean trying to wash away not only the dirt and the grime but also the pain and the images of my family lying on the table covered in blood I knew it was time to get out, stepping out and wrapping a towel around me the realisation hit me,

"Shit … good girl Tara now you get to parade around his house half naked"

Gathering up my dirty clothes I went to the door and put my ear against it, listening if there was any noise outside, hearing nothing I took a deep breath and opened it. There was no-one there so I quickly made the short run to the spare room, once safely inside with the door closed I let out the breath I was holding. I towel dried my hair and let it dry naturally, looking out the window and seeing it was a nice day I stuck on a skirt and a tank top. I put my dirty washing at the bottom of the bed, leaving it to wash later when I got the chance.

I went to the kitchen and found Jax talking to some black lady I waited for them to finish their conversation before I went in. The lady went to Abel's room and Jax turned to face me

"That's the nanny; just telling her Abel has had his morning feed"

I nodded, not really looking for an explanation but it helped answer the question of who she was.

"You ready to go?"

I nodded, butterflies attacking my stomach. I needed to ask Jax something before we went to Clay and I didn't know how to do it so I just blurted it out

"Jax about Clay, is he good?"

He looked at me confused.

"Good?"

I let out a nervous breath

"I mean is he like my father remembered? Or has the power got to him?"

He didn't answer straight away and that worried me

"Because if he's not the same man I don't think I want him to know, I've seen what power can do to a man and it's not pretty, he loses sight of what the club is really about"

I know all too well what a man like that is capable of, but I shook those thoughts away not ready to go down that particular memory lane.

He put his hand on my shoulder, an act of reassurance

"Clay and I have some shit going on between us right now, he's not the same man he used to be but I can tell you this, you are safe going to him about what happened to your club. If your dad was that close to him this is a family matter, he will help and he will get you what you want. You have my word"

I nodded not 100% content with his answer, but it was enough to make me follow him out the door. We got in my car and drove towards 'Teller-Morrow'. Pulling into the lot I could see the daily buzz, the garage was open with men working on both bikes and cars, to the left there was a row of Harleys and it was a beautiful sight to see, it brought back memories both good and bad but, I guess things are going to be bitter-sweet from now on.

Parking the car we got out, with the pain meds it was a lot easier for Jax than last night. It seemed quiet, a few men overalls working on the cars. They tried not to stare at our arrival but they just couldn't help but see who I was and why Jax had me here. I'm pretty sure they don't know too much that goes on about here, they know enough to work and say the right thing if questioned about it but I'm guessing that's it.

Shouting over to the closest guy Jax asked

"Where's Clay?"

"Office"

The guy said nodding towards a small building to the side of the garage; Jax nodded and tapped my shoulder silently telling me to follow. He knocked on the door,

"It's Jax; I need to talk to you …"

"I'm busy, come back later"

"Can't, its club business Clay"

"Fuck, I'll meet you in there"

We went into the club and Jax brought me into the chapel, I stood at the door unwilling to go any further. He was sitting before he realised I didn't follow him in

"You okay?"

I looked around the room

"This, being in here, it feels wrong, I can't be in here not so soon after…"

He got up and walked over to me

"I know it'll take some getting used to being in here after … after you found your guys killed in yours but you gotta get back on top of shit, you need to have a clear head on your shoulders. You can't spend the rest of your life avoiding things that remind you of them"

I nodded and grew a pair of balls and took the step into the room, I followed him around to the opposite end of the table and we waited in a comfortable silence until Clay arrived.

He walked in fixing his jeans and I shivered, not wanting the mental images that went along with that. He was in and had the door closed before he noticed me

"What's the ass doing in here? You know they aren't allowed further than the bar"

Not one to let someone speak about me as if I wasn't there I quickly spoke up,

"Fuck sake is that hard to ask me yourself?"

I steamed and realised my mistake when the smile appeared on Clays face, I remember that smile and it's definitely not a good sign, the real way to know when Clay is pissed off? That fake menacing smile curling on his lips. He pointed at me and then the door

"Out"

Was all he commanded the authority clear in his voice

"Dia duit conas atá tú uncail?"

"The fuck?"

He said as his eyes widened as he took a better look at me, realisation dawned on his face and that menacing smile disappeared instead replaced with a genuine one. His entire body language changed,

"Tara?"

I smiled and nodded, Jax carefully watched what was going on between us, Clay started to speak and done so with a smile on his face, I knew what was coming next.

"A maith a fheiceann tú"

I laughed and Jax stared at Clay with an open mouth

"You speak Irish?"

Clay chuckled

"No not as much as Connor would like I only picked up bits and pieces here and there"

I added

"Plus he has shit pronunciation"

He held his hands up

"Come on Tara give me some credit it's been a while! How is the old man keeping?"

I dropped my gaze to the table, before I looked back up and the smile fell from Clay's face

"What happened?"

I looked him in the eye trying to find the words to tell him that the man who survived Vietnam and lived through the survivor's guilt was now gone because some son of a bitch decided they wanted to send a message, my silence gave him his answer

"The others?"

I kept my gaze on the table, not trusting my tears to remain hidden if I looked at the pain in his eyes

"All of them, shot in the head"

He pushed his chair back and stood up with such force that the chair nearly fell backwards; he slammed his fist on the table his anger barley contained

"Bastards gonna pay, shit like that gets retaliation"

He walked towards the door but before he left he turned to Jax and pointed at me]

"You keep her safe, not a hair on her head gets hurt"

Jax nodded,

"I'm going to make some calls, see if I can find any hear tell on the hotline"

He slammed the door on his way out; I let out a breath glad that that part was over. Then it was just Jax and I. My gaze dropped to my hands to see that I was gripping the shit out of Jax' left hand, it looked as if it was losing circulation and I slowly pried my fingers back letting the blood back in, I pulled my hands back to myself and tried to put some distance between us not wanting him to think that I was close to breaking.

There was a tense silence; the atmosphere was still fuelled with anger, pain and loss. Jax was looking at me with pity, those big baby blues full of sympathy and sorrow, neither of which I wanted. The door opened and a big hairy guy came in, his face looked as if he had lost everything in the world, as if life wasn't worth shit anymore

"Jax, we need you out here"

He turned and left to go back out to the bar, not without throwing me a dirty look, I bit my tongue I can't very well start fighting with the guys who I am seeking help from. Promptly following Jax, we walked out of the chapel and into the bar finding the room full of what I assumed to be the club members, most of them where standing in a huddle around a table with Clay.

"What's up?"

A Scottish man answered, never looking away from the table

"Got a little present Jackie boy"

He said as he held up a small bag of what looked to be crank. My eyes were focused on that and not the prospect that was checking me out from head to toe, finding my tattoo on my thigh.

"She's inked"

He yelled as he aimed his gun at my head, gaining the attention of the others a kicking them into action, within seconds there was at least a half dozen guns pointed at me. I smiled such a warm and friendly welcome. Jax jumped into their line of fire with his hands up

"Christ put them away! She's good"

There was a few seconds of hesitation before they lowered their weapons, waiting on Clay's approval. He nodded at them and said

"She's good!"

The big hairy guy from earlier spoke

"We should take this to the table"

Jax walked over to him, right up into his face getting defensive

"I said she's good, trust my judgement"

Hairy glanced at Jax them stared at me

"I don't know her, I don't trust her"

I kept eye contact with him, slight turned on with the whole quite bad attitude shit he had going on. I mean come on, rough and ready is just my type. Then out of know where there were sirens and screeching tires as they came into the parking lot, the room was a panic some running towards the door to see what was happening and the others checking the back exits.

"Shit cops!"

Both Clay and Jax automatically looked at the table holding the crank, enough crank may I say that could easily put them away for intent to supply

"Set up! Darby, it's got to be"

Jax spoke both men trying to figure out how they would get away with this, we didn't have the time to flush. I looked around the room instincts kicking in, I spotted a hoody on a nearby stool and went to get it, throwing it on the table and wrapping the crank inside it I pushed it up my top fixing it into a baby bump with seconds to spare,

"Charming PD hands where we can see them! No funny business"

The room was flooded with cops, I screamed and put my hands protectively over my new baby bump, they guys were being cuffed and pushed to the floor on their stomachs, a female officer made her way towards me, seeing my current condition she looked to her boss

"Just keep an eye on her"

He shouted back as he looked at me carefully, trying to see if he can recall my face. Clay shouted to the boss man as he made his way towards me

"Hale, what the hell is this?"

The boss, Hale, stopped and turned back to face Clay

"We got an anonymous tip saying there was a large quantity of illegal drugs being dealt from these premises"

Jax lifted his head

"Bullshit and you know it! We don't so that shit!"

I nearly laughed, but managed to hold it in, had he have said that in any other circumstance I would have believed him.

Hale smiled and looked back at me, taking the last few steps that brought him right into my face

"Who are you?"

Thinking fast and spotting a chubby man on the floor I went with the flow

"I'm visiting my dad"

I said nodding towards said chubby guy hoping he would catch the hint and play along, which thankfully he did

"Yeah, I don't get to see her much. So thanks for giving her a show"

Hale looked suspicious but let it go, which was relief all round. The truth will come out that we are in no way related but as long as it doesn't come out today who gives a fuck?

Ten minutes later the cops were leaving with their tails between their legs and nothing to show for their anonymous tip. Once the last car left the street there was cheers and whistles all around, smiles of victory on every face in the room. I pulled the hoody and the crank from my top announcing

"Oh look it's a girl"

Laughter followed along with an introduction session, all the guys came and hugged me giving me their names and a quick thank you. I gave them my first name and left it at that for now, looking towards Clay asking for a little more time before the truth came out.

The guy I called dad was called bobby and as he went for a beer he shouted over

"By the way you get your good looks from your dad"

I laughed, feeling a little more comfortable. Still holding the crank in my hands I sat it on the table gladly accepting the beer bobby handed me

"So who wants to fill me in on this shit?"

**A/N All thoughts are appreciated! Does it carry well and am I still on the same track? A bit of feedback would seriously help get the mojo back on track.**

**Thanks**

_**Love2bdifferent x**_


	4. Short skirt, tight top & 'fuck-me' boots

**A/N There is some Irish in this chapter but I have put the translations beneath it for you guys to follow along!**

_**Disclaimer- I have nothing to do with The Sons of Anarchy except what my imagination stirs up!**_

**Tara POV**

Clay rested both his hands on the top of the table as he stared at the small stash of crank. His eyes zoned in on the offensive item in his club house. I looked around the room to see that everyone wore a similar expression. Bobby took a small bag and opened it, dipping in his little finger and putting it on his tongue he muttered

"Darby"

One word that led to a lot of swearing, and a testosterone fuelled atmosphere. I let out a low whistle at how the tension had changed so suddenly. After a few moments of tense silence Clay spoke

"We need to send a message; this club will not be taken down as easily. If he thinks a simple drug bust will get rid of us he can think again."

Everyone nodded and I found myself nodding too, I shrugged my shoulders, this is not my problem. I had taken a step backwards in an attempt to remove myself from the situation, maybe go outside for some fresh air or something but Jax had other ideas

"Tara we have you thank for us not being in handcuffs right now. It seems that you're our good luck charm… well you're mine anyway…"

He smiled. I didn't like the sudden attention that was on me, squirming and blushing like a little school girl I walked back into the circle to hear the rest of what he had to say.

"… Guys as you can clearly see I was knocked about last night. I got shot and ran off the road, I was going to discuss it later at church but considering the circumstances I think now is the perfect time to bring it up. I couldn't see who it was, but after this …"

He said as held up one of the small clear bags containing the white powder

"…it had to be Darby; maybe he was hoping it would kill me. He wasn't expecting someone to come along and save me … he knew you would retaliate and he was ready for that, somehow had a plan to get you lifted and finally he would have Charming"

"That sounds like the bastard alright"

Chibs said in his heavy Scottish accent. The he turned to me

"It seems you have brought some luck with you, saving Jax and this club in the space of 24 hours? I think we might owe you a drink or two"

He said as he came over and threw his arm over my shoulder, I smiled up at him

"A drink or two? I at least deserve and entire night of drink"

He chuckled and took his arm away from me

"Seems like we got ourselves a live one boys"

I folded my arms over my chest suddenly feeling under dressed as there were a lot of hungry eyes on me, each man thinking of different ways to thank me. I held my head up; they can think what they want I ain't that easy. Clay came to my rescue like I knew he would, I may not be that little under-aged girl he once knew but he still felt the need to protect me even if it was from his harmless men.

"She's off limits"

That was it no explanation, they looked between Clay and I suspiciously for a few seconds before they finally got back to business.

The hairy guy who I now knew to be called Opie got us back on track

"So I guess we are sending a big message"

"Yes we are"

Clay wasn't the only one with a menacing smile in that moment; his smile was mirrored around the room. I nodded, accepting that this has to be done, I can't expect these guys to drop everything just to help me, plus most of them have absolutely no idea why I'm even here or why I have automatically been given a level of limited trust that takes others months to build. I bit my lip and remained silent, knowing there was a plan brewing.

"We need to hit him where it really hurts, something that will put him out of business for a while"

There was some silence until Juice spoke up

"We blow his labs"

Jax shook his head

"We can't start blowing shit up in our own back yard"

Juice shrugged and remained silent, Bobby spoke next

"Pussy. We ruin his pussy trade"

The eyes of every man in the room lit up at the mention of pussy and I laughed at such a typical male response. A few seconds of silence passed, the men still distracted with the mention of pussy so I spoke

"And how exactly do you plan on ruining this guy's pussy trade?"

Clay looked to Jax, and Jax looked at Bobby, it was his idea after all. Bobby shrugged, he had nothing else to offer, and a plan was starting to form in my head

"What is the one thing above all else that will turn you off a woman?"

I asked out loud as I walked around to the other side of the guys and sat on the table beside the crank.

"Too much hair …"

"Talks too much …"

"Too emotional…"

I shook my head

"No I mean, what would stop you from banging a girl even if she was the only pussy in a three mile radius and you're horny as fuck?"

"STD!"

Half sack shouted and I smiled, it felt like I was talking a class of school children

"Exactly, guaranteed business killer"

Tig was confused

"You're saying we should give all his girls an STD?"

I smiled, he was close but not exactly there, I shook my head

"No I'm saying you spread around that all his girls are dirty, put on a bit of a show and see how long it takes his custom to go else were"

I smiled as I seen the smile on Jax' face, he was impressed … as he should be.

"You filthy bitch … have you seen the state of my cock? It would be cleaner to fuck sewage pipe!"

Jax screamed at me as we stood outside a motel room, I had appropriately dressed for the show, short skirt, and tight top with 'fuck-me' boots to go along, we had scouted out where we knew Darby kept his girls on working hours, saw a few guys enter the rooms and gave the performance of our lives

"Me? If you hadn't of fucked the rest of these whores before you came to me … neither of us would have this problem!"

"My fault? You're putting this shit on me?"

I got right up in his face, and screamed my reply

"Yeah, it's on you! We all go to this real good doctor who'll give you what you need; he sorts us out all the time"

I think we successfully got our point across loud enough as within moments there where men rushing out of the rooms half dressed, not able to get away quick enough, each of them with guilt on their faces, some with horrified looks that screamed 'my-wife-is-going-to-kill-me!'.

We waited till all the men had left and the girls were standing at the doors

"Bitch what the fuck are you doing? You're killing business!"

I looked at Jax

"Well then I guess our job here is done"

He nodded and the two of us walked back towards the others who were watching the little show from across the road. They had Darby surrounded, Clay held a gun to his head making him watch as he lost at least a few weeks business. I smiled as I got closer; I love it when a plan comes together.

Happy had brought the van, as it would draw too much attention if everyone took their bikes. I hopped in relieved I had brought my normal clothes with me, in a few minutes my sluttly alter-ego was gone and plain old Tara was back, stepping out in my jeans and top with my favourite flat black boots on I whistled as I walked towards the others.

They had finished talking with Darby by the time I got there; I wasn't really interested in what he had to say anyway so I smiled as I walked towards Clay. I felt the slight swagger in my footsteps but decided not to over think it, so what if I had a strut? I just helped out, helped the club. Something I thought I would never do again, there was a trace of guilt which I am sure will make itself known in full force later, but for now? I was enjoying the slight buzz.

"Tara, if I could bow before you I would"

Clay announced as I flanked his right, he was smiling from ear to ear and it helped ease my traitor guilt.

"Few beers will do the job"

I answered, ready to get lost in the world, to have a few hours of drunken bliss. He nodded announced

"To night we drink, we drink to today and we drink to a good friend of mine"

I caught the slight emotion in his voice as he finished and I looked up at him, knowing all too well what it was he was feeling, I gave him a teary smile and hugged him. In the van on the way back to the club my phone began to ring looking at the caller ID I shivered, I wasn't ready for this, contemplating on ignoring the call I plucked up the courage and answered right before it went to voicemail.

"Tara? Da just heard that the club burnt down? What the hell happened?"

I looked at Happy who had his attention on the road and decided to reply in Irish, knowing he wouldn't understand me.

"Dia duit Ciaran, An bhfuil Sheami ann?"

_***Hello Ciaran, is Sheami there?***_

"No he's out on an errand, it's just me"

He answered in English

"An Féidir leat a thabhairt dó teachaireacht?"

_***Can you give him a message?***_

"Yeah of course, this doesn't sound good … what happened?"

"Abhair leis go bhfuil Connor marbh agus go bhfuil mé leis na Sons. Ní raibh mé in ann a fháil ar aon toradh agus bhí me wondering más rud é go bhféadfadh sé a irraidh faoi?"

_***Tell him Connor is dead and that I'm with the Sons. I haven't been able to get any leads and I was wondering if he could ask about?***_

"Shit Tara! I'm sorry, are you okay?"

"Beidh mé a bheith, nuair a bhfaighidh mé an bastards"

_***I will be, when I find the bastards***_

"You okay with the Sons? They know?"

"Yeah Tá mé go maith, tá a dúirt mé Cré, bhfuil sé ina chara teaghlaigh a fhágann go mbeidh gach rud go breá."

_***Yeah I'm good, I've told Clay, he is a family friend so everything will be fine.***_

"Right, I'll ring Da and let him know"

I nodded to myself and took a deep breath, Sheami is my father's brother, and they hadn't spoken for years. He came to us three years back for some help, I never knew what it was he wanted from my father but he got it and then left again. We kept in contact over the phone and email but that was it, I got the impression there was a big history between the two. Ciaran is Sheami's son, the only cousin I have. They may be blood family but they don't feel like it.

"Ciarán, a insint dó go raibh sé painless. Níor airigh sé rud."

_***Ciaran, tell him it was painless. He didn't feel a thing.***_

"Shit, I can't believe this. I'll tell Da and we'll talk in detail later"

"Slán"

_***bye***_

"Bye"

I hung up and looked out the window, noticing we were close to the club. The tears were on the verge if spilling over and I was trying like hell to keep them at bay. I had to sniffle a bit to stop my nose from running, and I knew Happy was dying to say something.

"It's Irish"

He nodded and looked over at me

"You're just full of surprises aren't you?"

I gave him a small smile

"You have no idea"

I smiled wider when I said it; I've been saying that quiet a lot lately. I went back to looking out the window after that not really wanting to continue a conversation with Happy, or should I say not Happy? The question of how he got his name would wait until later. We pulled into the lot and got out to walk over to the others, there was a little spark of achievement in the air.

Now the focus was back on me, I could see it in their eyes they guys were suspicious, they didn't like that the new girl was somehow connected to Clay and they didn't know how. I nodded at Clay telling him that I was ready, I made my way into the club and went to the table, and they followed moments later. I was standing at the bottom of the table as they came in and took their seats; Jax came to stand beside me

"You good?"

I nodded

"Yeah"

He slowly brought his hand to my lower back and let it sit there for a few brief seconds giving me comfort in the most simplest of ways. I held my head up and drew on whatever inner strength I had left, I would not appear weak to these men, I'm not weak and I won't start now. Their attention was on Clay who nodded at me to speak when I was ready, so I did, I jumped straight into it.

"So I have something to ask of you guys, of Sam Crow. I think some of you knew my dad? Connor Knowles…"

When I said his name my heart skipped a pained beat, but I made myself look into the faces before me and noticed that there was recognition in them so I continued

"…on Sunday he along with the other members of our club was murdered. I found no evidence of who done it and I don't know why, we were on good terms with all our contacts. I took care of the club, I burnt it to the ground not wanting the attention of the feds until I had time to deliver my own justice, I put their bikes in storage and put out word that they were up north on business. I told their families of course and they too decided that I should come here and ask for help before the authorities got involved…"

I stopped and took a deep breath, Jax hand still on my lower back. It was the circular movements of his thumb that kept me standing

"I am here to ask you face to face to help me find the bastards that stole my club from me, I know that you cannot put your own club in danger in the process and I accept that but any help is welcomed"

I finished and managed to drag a deep breath into my dry lungs, my head was spinning with the anticipation of their answer. There was absolute silence as the news sunk in, it was Clay's calm voice that stole my attention, and he had the gavel raised as if ready to finish up

"Do I need to take a vote?"

He asked there was no objection and the gavel was slammed, I let out a small laugh when I realised what it meant, they would help me. The smile was on my face as I turned to Jax with tears in my eyes; he put his arms around me and held me close for a few seconds

"It's okay Tara, you have us"

I nodded and stood back from him quickly wiping the tears from my face,

"Yeah I know …. Fucking female hormones! I need a drink"

I announced as I made my way to the bar, I leaned over the top and a lifted out a bottle of JD and took a swig, the burning sensation from my mouth to my stomach calming me down. The others came around me, and Half sack rowed up some shot glasses catching the hint I filled them up. One by one they took one and held it in the air

"To Connor, a good friend"

"To a brother"

"To Connor the smart assed son of a bitch"

Chibs of course had to add a little light humour, there was a chorus of toasts and then it was my turn

"To my dad, the one person who never left me and taught me the true meaning of life, that blood is not always thicker than water and you're family are those who always have your back"

I raised my glass to join the others and we drank, each of us with different memories of my father. I smiled, how many times have I done this with him and the others? How many people have we toasted exactly like this over the years? I smiled as I closed my eyes; it's just how he would want it.

**A/N So a little more of Tara's backstory there along with some more antics from the club, as per usual they have a lot of enemies and I am trying to mix it up a little, give you something new. Some plot lines will be used from the show but I'll try and put my own little twist on things.**

**All reviews are appreciated **

**Thanks**

_**Love2bdifferent x**_


	5. Weed induced shit

**A/N So this is a shorter chapter than the rest, but do not fear the next will be longer.**

_**Disclaimer- I have nothing to do with Sons of Anarchy**_

**Tara POV**

That shot of Jack was quickly followed by dozens more and before I knew it, it was night time and there was a full scale party in progress. The pussy brigade came down from cara-cara and put on quite the show. I've danced on the bar as well as the pool table, I air-guitar-ed with Clay and got jived by Chibs. The atmosphere was filled with family love, but for me it was more like a distant cousin kind of love more than anything, we weren't close but we shared common ground and that was enough for them to treat me like one of their own.

I was on my second pack of cigarettes, had countless joints and one too many beers and I could feel it, letting the sound of the music mix with the laughter I lay down on the pool table mindlessly staring at the ceiling. I was there on my own for a while before someone came to join me, I felt the table shake as they climbed up and I felt their arm brush with mine as they mirrored my position.

"What's up?"

Jax asked with a slight slur, clearly the all-day drinking was affecting him too. I sat up on my elbows and looked to his jeans

"I don't know, you tell me!"

I laughed and he shifted protectively placing his hand over his dick, what is it with guys and constantly holding their junk? I looked back to his smug face and smiled as I lay back down, the silence settled between us again,

"What is going through that head of yours?"

Jax asked and I turned to face him

"Emotional weed induced shit"

I answered giving him a small smile, he rolled onto his side facing me and propped his elbow on the table resting his head on his hand, waiting for me to explain

"Seeing you guys together and seeing how close you are makes me think about the fact that I don't have that anymore, and I'm not on a sympathy parade here I know I will love others again and I will heal eventually, but those guys? They were there my whole life, every memory I have is of them. Hell they even seen me through puberty, sat with me when I stayed off school with cramps, I mean full scale awkward shit and they were there through it all. It's just hard to picture myself being like that with anyone else, how long do I wait before I'm allowed to be happy? How long does it take for me to lose my guilt over being happy?"

I looked back towards the ceiling as I continued speaking

"My father was a deep thinking man; he didn't like what the club turned into. He wanted me to come to Clay for protection not a means for retaliation. I'm just trying to figure out how to make it different, how do I stop my life taking the same path? Prevent a bullet going through my head? On the drive here I constantly thought about how this is the perfect chance for me to do something else with my life, become the legit, book smart daughter my dad always wanted. Have the perfect family in the perfect neighbourhood, have that whole white picket fence dream…but that's just not me, I don't want perfect I want the road, the freedom and the love of a club"

I turned my head back to face Jax, hoping I might find the answers to my questions, he held eye contact with me for a few moments before he cracked a smile

"That is some real deep shit"

I smiled and nodded as I looked back towards the ceiling

"Like I said emotional weed induced shit"

"Tara"

He said making me look back at him again

"You're not alone in this; you saved my life and the future of this club. I have you're back for as long as you need it and so do the others"

I clicked my tongue off the roof of my mouth and sat up looking at him over my shoulder

"Are we finished with this heartfelt bullshit?"

He chuckled holding onto my arm to pull himself up

"Yeah we are"

I hopped off and made my way to the bar, the party was starting to die down a little with a few off the guys fading badly, I took the last mouthful of a bottle of jack and announced

"You're all a bunch of pussys!"

There were a few grumbles from the men and glares from the girls, I held my hands up I honestly didn't mean that in an offensive way, one of the girls, Lyla nodded accepting my small apology and I gave her a smile. She was the only girl in the room that had managed to keep herself out of hands reach she smiled and laughed and danced but she didn't lie down and open her legs and I think I know why, every now and then her eyes would steal a glance towards Opie.

I let it slide for now and announced that this party officially sucked and I was going else were to look for some fun, tacking on a wink towards Jax at the end, I went and got my jacket and my bag and strutted my shit out of there, said strut quickly turned into a stumble when I got out into the fresh air and my head started to spin, I managed to make it to the cutlass but apparently that was as far as I was going.

"Woah Tara …"

Jax caught me as I slid across the side of the car and nearly landed on my ass. I looked up at him and laughed not hearing him follow me out

"Well it seems that I shall not be driving myself to search for some nightlife around this sleepy town!"

He laughed

"It's not always this bad, it's just been a rough couple of weeks, lots of action and not much sleep."

I nodded

"I'll take your word for it"

Jax rang his mother to ask if it was okay for her to stay at his and look after Abel, she must have said yes because as soon as he hung up he threw an arm over my shoulder and started directing me towards the club, I looked at him confused

"There's an apartment here, we'll stay in it neither of us are fit to drive"

I nodded better safe than sorry.

Those few minutes in the fresh air put me sideways, I was absolutely wanker-faced and I knew I was definitely ready for bed, stumbling through the bar and towards the apartment we finally made it, Jax opened the door and I went straight to the bed. Lying across it I kicked off my boots and rolled over to face Jax who was taking off his own shoes.

It was a big bed, big enough for two and I sure as hell wasn't going to refuse Jax as a bed buddy! So I moved over showing him that I was fine with him sharing with me, I got under the covers as he took off his top and jeans leaving him in his boxers and that bandage around his waist. He got in under the covers and pulled me into his arms, I smiled as I had a smart remark on my tongue but decided against it, no point in making things awkward. A friendship is what we had here nothing else, yet.

I could tell by his breathing that he wasn't sleeping yet so I turned to face him, knowing that the subject was a touchy one I threw caution to the wind and asked my question any way

"What is going on with you and Clay?"

He bit his lip, and just looked at me

"Father-son shit nothing for you to worry about"

He answered the lie clear on his face; whatever it is it is most definitely more than just some father-son tiff.

"No that's not it, but it's okay you don't have to tell me, but you do gotta sort it out Jax. That kind of tension could be the ruination of this club. The two of you need to do whatever it takes to sort out your shit and the sooner the better"

I hadn't registered that my hand had decided to start playing with Jax' stubble, and when I did realise what I was doing I noticed that he didn't mind so I continued

"Tara there is things you can forgive someone for but there is something's that are a little harder to get over, what Clay done was against everything I stand for. I've seen a lot of violence and spilled blood, but when you see an innocent woman die because of one man's decision and stubbornness to believe the truth that is before his eyes then it really makes you doubt everything about him"

I nodded; this problem was definitely a club matter. I let it go and smiled

"We should be ashamed of ourselves, we've been in this bed together for nearly twenty minutes and neither of us has tried to slip the hand"

He laughed and held my closer letting me feel for myself how much Jax wanted to act on that statement, I winked at him

"So I guess we could classify this as date number two?"

He growled

"You will be the death of me woman"

I answered

"Well don't bother dying till I get my fill after date number four"

The growl reappeared and he tickled me, yes actually full out hands everywhere tickled me and I couldn't contain my screams of laughter. This was so surreal, I've never been one for lying in bed with someone talking and shit, any time a man was in my bed it was for sex then I'd kick them out. I'm not a classy girl neither am I a full bred slut, I like having some fun but I don't want them hanging around until the next morning with expectations of coffee and maybe a date.

After the tickles had finished we caught our breath and settled back down for sleep, just when I was slowly drifting off Jax' voice brought me back

"Tara, what was your life like back in Jersey?"

I kept my eyes closed as the images came to mind, the small town that I called home my entire life.

"It was crazy. We tried to keep our business out of town but sometimes we had no choice so the townsfolk feared us, would cross the side of the street to get away from us. There were always funny looks and silent whispers but apart from that, life was good, we knew that our actions and dodgy deals kept the town safe. Dad always said that JT was the one who showed him what an MC should really do for a town, keep the drugs out and ensure the safety of the people, much like you guys we ran protection escorts for local businesses and kept an eye on the local small time gangsters."

I could feel him nod, and after that he remained silent and somewhere along the line we both fell asleep, and it was the best sleep I've had since Sunday.

**A/N Thoughts? Likes? Hates? Review!**

**Thanks **

_**Love2bdifferent x**_


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